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This probably resulted from a lack of imagination on my part, but after some pretty heroic efforts at exploring my sensuality through masturbation, I felt a certain comfort in the simplicity of a fantasy that incorporated what I was actually doing – masturbating. I found two aspects of my shared masturbation fantasy pleasing. First, I liked the idea of being watched. It made me feel sexual and connected to the person watching, like I could use their energy, and their desire to see me satiated, and that would make it okay, even important for me to really let go and enjoy the sensation. Maybe the idea of sharing the experience freed me from the guilt and loneliness I felt when I masturbated. I also liked the idea of watching my partner masturbate. I liked the feeling of raw sexual power in knowing that the sight of my naked body could cause a man to achieve an aching erection. Before this time in my life, I had always known that a man could achieve an erection with me, but I never. I would get dress in my male clothes. One day my daughter brought her boyfriend home without calling first. She didn’t call me to warn me she was bringing her boyfriend home. They walked in the house and caught me cleaning the living room dressed in a short tee shirt that just came to the top of my bikini panties. I had put on my makeup and a long black wig. I was also wearing hose and heels. I had plans to go out later that evening with some of my close friends who knew about me. We live in the country far away from any neighbors, and I usually walk around the house in just my panties and tee shirts. I love being in the back yard in my panties and tee shirt. The only time I am in my male clothes is when my daughter brings her friends over.I have to admit that some of her male friends were very good looking. I would always wonder what they would think if they knew I was wearing panties and hose under my pants. I use to think of what it would be like if she didn’t call me and I was.
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